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The Believer
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Credits Basecodes: detonatedlove♥ Image source: GettyImages, editted with MS Paint. Designer: jingwen--- |
Sunday, May 18, 2008
19:03
Waiting for a Sign Year in, year out, I wait for a sign around the same time of the year. Signs to remind me of His promise, signs to reduce my anxieties, signs to point me in His direction. This year has not been an exception. I waited and pondered, asked and re-asked. I wanted just even a word in church, to remind me of the previous years. As I read Matthew 4 last night, about Jesus being led to the wilderness, verse 7 where Jesus said to the devil in response to his dare, "It is also written, Do not put the Lord your God to test." I realised then, what I have been doing all these years. Testing God. Yet still hopeful because of all the years where I have tested and He has answered, I entered church today, hoping to hear just the magic words. Just one would do. Even when I knew full well, that harboring that hope meant that today, I will yet again be testing God. As the service progressed, I came to understand that my waiting will be futile, yet I could not comprehend why He would deprive me of just those words I needed to hear. I closed my eyes, and as the music played on, I was brought to this image. I am alone, in what seemed like darkness. I was frightened and in that huge big space, I found myself up to a door of what seemed like a huge long wall. Something told me that the other side of the door will be what I'm looking for. So I closed my right hand into a fist, and curled my left hand on the knob. Frantically, I tried with all my might to turn that knob, and with all of my innermost strength, I banged my fist against the door, yelling, yet not hearing my voice. I wept as I slammed my right fist at the door, tugging it with my left. Willing it to be open, but yet it remained shut. I slumped to my knees, and continued what I now came to know, as a useless attempt to open that door. Suddenly, I felt a kind hand touch my shoulder. I turned around and there He was. Standing there all along. He reached out and gently pulled me back, and reached out to the door knob. Upon touching it, suddenly, the wall disappeared and the space turned into a great big meadow, full of grass and flowers. Further up, was a hill, and upon that hill, the old rugged cross stood. As I wondered what to make of this picture in my mind, suddenly I felt the peace of God wash over me like a calm river on a cool summer's day. I never had to open that door. He was never on the other side. He had been with me all the time, waiting for me to realise that. And what I had perceived as darkness, had been the scales that have been building up by the lies I've been told and have told myself, no matter how right they had seemed, they had slowly but surely covered up my sight. I knew then, that I didn't need to hear those magic words now. I knew then, that I didn't need any further confirmation of His promise. I knew then, that I have had them, the promises, all along in my heart, but I just didn't know where to find them. I knew then, that I have to learn to stop listening to the lies about what I want, when I already have all that I need. I know it will be difficult when hard times washes up on shore. But I hope, in writing this, I will remember it more. Because my Saviour loves me, and His promises remain. From the past to the future, He will forever be the same. "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." - Isaiah 40:7-9 |